then i am going swimming

 June 26, 2023

Just.....

Wowsa....

What a stunning day!!

A little fun swimming in the ocean....breezy and bouncy, also clear and sparkling

Biked over to the pool....

400 short-course yards breast warm-up

4000 short-course yards free...loved every single breath....every single stroke!!!!

400 short-course yards breast/free cool-down

Feeling GREAT and mighty GRATEFUL

10:01 pm

OK....wow...this is....

Getting seriously complicated. I am going to have to make some decisions, and that is very overwhelming. I'm OK. I am. But...it's.... a lot. 

After sitting and praying for a while at my spot, the Lanikai monument, I went in the ocean and swam around a little and then I went to the pool and swam a lot.....nearly three miles....that is 50 football fields, non-stop. I am a very good swimmer! 

Here's the thing that is very perplexing to me: I do not feel sick. Nothing hurts or aches; I am sleeping and eating and hydrating and riding and swimming well! If all of these tests and doctors did not indicate that my body is very sick, I would have no idea. It is a good thing that the lymph tumor swelled and was very painful a couple of weeks ago, which made me go to the hospital. I have had no symptoms of illness besides that. In the hospital, they gave me morphine for the pain and a steroid for the swelling....and it hasn't bothered me since....that was two weeks ago. It is very strange to me that they say I have a mass....likely cancer...in my lung, when I am able to ride and swim as normal...and normal for me is... a lot. 

After my swim today, Laura and Ead came to meet me at the pool, as they usually do, and we sat in the grass at the park and played with Ead, letting him explore to his little heart's content. I cannot believe that at eight and a half months, he can stand very steadily by himself for about 30 seconds. He can also bend over and pick something up without falling, and he can stand and hold and drink his bottle. He has, on three separate occasions, even taken a step unassisted. He is very tall....Laura and I think that every day he has grown more....and his hands and feet are huge. He is going to be a big boy! He is always hungry! He is happy and enthusiastic and very thoughtful and intentional and determined. I'm enjoying every single precious moment with him! 

As we were preparing to get going to our homes, Dr. Schoppy called and I put him on speaker so that Laura could hear....she always has a lot of questions. Dr. Schoppy, who is the ENT who is going to perform the surgery to remove the lymph node, said that he conferred with Dr. Louie, the oncologist, today. Dr. Louie wants to delay the surgery and begin treatment right away and not after the surgery as he'd originally planned. The assumed cancer in my lung is very serious because it means that, even though the PET scan did not reveal this, the cancer has obviously, to him, spread....this is if that mass turns out to be cancer. I should say that Dr. Louie has about 30 years of experience as an oncologist and was once head of oncology at Queens Hospital. The thing is.....the surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday, July 5th. With a couple of weeks to recover, treatment....radiation and immunotherapy....was to begin after that, mid to end of July. Dr. Louie now says that he doesn't want to wait that long to begin treatment. However, in order to be sure that the mass in my lung is cancer that has spread, and to determine exactly what kind of treatment I will need (chemo is back on the table...yikes), I must see a pulmonologist and then have a biopsy. That could take weeks which would mean that treatment does not actually begin right away, but weeks from now. 

Errrr. I am the one....who has to gather and process and assess all this information and then make a decision, after getting lots of answers and opinions from the doctors, as to whether I want to proceed with the surgery or not. Riding my bike home, I just asked Jesus to help me gather and process all the information and make the decision that aligns with His will for me. What else can I do? Laura...what would I do without her? She is extremely intelligent and educated.....she is able to research and ask questions and process information very well.....and she is also extremely faithful and prayerful. I trust her to help me make these decisions and to help me get through the treatment. I am scared out of my wits of chemo, but if I have to endure it, I will...for her and for Ead and for Dave. 

And then there’s the eye thing…..I will see Dr. Nardin on Thursday morning at 8 am…and then swim….and he will hopefully be able to give me some valuable information.  Dr. Schoppy does not think that the blood vessel tumor in my eye is the source of the cancer….I hope that Dr. Nardin can either confirm or rule out cancer and tell me what to do about it.  

In the meantime, it is the lung which is very concerning……

While Laura and I have always talked about absolutely everything, Dave keeps his emotions more to himself. He is also intelligent and very positive...very positive....but he has never been very emotional.... He will do anything for me; he is thoughtful and caring; but I sense he just doesn't want to or isn't ready to talk about all of this...yet. And I will respect him...give him time to process it all...and talk to him and listen to him when he is ready. 

In the meantime….I just want to get some sleep.  There is nothing that I can do about any of this tonight; I cannot make any decisions tonight.  Tomorrow, hopefully the pulmonologist will call and schedule an appointment and I am going to call Dr. Louie’s office (since Jessica did not respond to my emails!)....and I am going to plead with both of them to please do the biopsy ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Then, I am going to Laura’s to watch Ead, and I have to go to the bank to get the powers of attorney and the health care directive notarized, and I have to somehow get the rent paid.

AND I AM THEN GOING SWIMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, I will be at Laura’s by 8 am and watch Ead, and then…

I AM GOING SWIMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday morning, 8 am at Dr. Nardin’s….and then…

I AM GOING SWIMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, I think we are going to the aquarium or the zoo…..

Friday….who knows???? Pool is closed in the morning, and I’d like to….

SWIMMMMMMMMMMM in the afternoon!!!!!!!!!!

Swimming is keeping me sane….praying is keeping me faithful and positive…chanting is keeping me calm……

Wow…this is….

A LOT.

Jesus, You are in me.  I rebuke the devil (did today) and he must flee from me, because that is what Your Word says…. You are in me; any devil or evil must bow to you and flee from me.  Thank You for Your Authority over evil, over everything; Thank You for your ability to heal every single thing; Thank You for your willingness to heal me.  (Matthew 8:1-3)

Amen and good night.